Perhaps We Need to Learn to Enjoy

I have been thinking a lot lately about how difficult it seems to be for some of us to simply be happy.

Not to achieve happiness.
Not to earn it.
Not to arrive somewhere first.

Just to enjoy.

I come across many achievers and performers in my work, perhaps because I recognise them so easily. I am one of them.

We know how to do. We know how to take responsibility, create, perform, organise, build and keep moving. We can become remarkably good at turning something we love into our work.

But there is a strange danger hidden there.

When you get to do more of what you love, you may simply end up doing more.

When even what you love becomes work

I was deeply touched recently watching the documentary Ismo – Maailman hauskin ulkopuolinen, about Finnish comedian Ismo Leikola.

His journey is extraordinary. From performing in front of small audiences in Finland to becoming known internationally as the “world’s funniest man”, filling larger and larger venues and having his work seen by millions.

It is wonderful when somebody manages to build a life around something they genuinely love.

And yet what stayed with me was something much quieter.

The work.

The endless work behind what from the outside may look like success, freedom and even glamour.

There really isn't much glamour in working all the time.

You can work a full day doing something you love. You can do it again tomorrow. You can eventually create a life in which there is always another idea, another audience, another opportunity and another thing that could be done.

And somewhere along the way you may have to learn something surprisingly difficult:

how to enjoy it.

Building a life with space in it

That thought has stayed with me because I am consciously building my own life differently now.

I work as a travel coach and happiness coach. I take people on journeys. I walk beside them, listen, reflect, create experiences and hopefully help them see something about their own lives more clearly.

For me this work is not separate from life. It is very much a lifestyle choice.

People can connect with me in Finland, Spain and sometimes somewhere in between. My surroundings change with the seasons. My work moves with me.

But I no longer want to fill every available space with it.

That is perhaps one of the biggest changes I have made.

I used to look at an empty space in my calendar and think:

What can I put there?

Today I am learning to think:

Does something need to be there at all?

I want the things I say yes to to remain meaningful.

And that also requires learning to say no.

Not only to things we don't want.

Sometimes we need to say no to perfectly good opportunities.

Because there is another question beneath all the opportunities:

Can I still hear myself?

Listening before the world gets loud

My mornings have become very important to me for this reason.

Before I look at my phone, I listen.

I open the window or balcony door and step outside. I breathe in the morning. I stretch and move my body a little and notice how I actually feel.

I prepare my matcha.

Then I sit down and write my morning notes.

Nothing sophisticated. Dreams, thoughts, something that has stayed with me overnight, a feeling I cannot yet explain.

I listen to myself before I begin listening to the rest of the world.

Only after that do I make my juice, pick up the phone and allow the day to begin.

And I try to continue that listening throughout the day.

I keep the appointments I have made and do the work that matters. But I give myself pauses.

I walk.

I exercise.

I do Pilates.

I spend time with horses.

I take the bike out, although these days with a little more caution.

And sometimes I simply go outside.

These things are not what I do when the important work is finished.

They are part of the important work.

Because the person living your life needs to stay present inside it.

Keep yourself with you

Perhaps this is one of the problems we achievers face.

We become so focused on where we are going that we slowly leave ourselves behind.

We manage our schedules, projects, businesses, families, goals and responsibilities.

But do we remain good company for ourselves?

I am beginning to believe that when you can hear yourself, respect your own rhythm and live reasonably close to your values, something else happens too.

You become better company for other people.

More present.

More curious.

More generous.

More alive.

Perhaps even more attractive, and not because you are achieving more, but because there is room around you.

You are actually there.

Happiness may be a practice

Finns are often introduced to the world as the happiest people on earth.

Yet happiness is not something even Finns automatically know how to feel.

Maybe happiness is not the prize waiting for us when the work is finished.

Maybe it is a practice.

Pausing long enough to notice the morning.

Leaving something undone.

Walking into the forest.

Saying no.

Laughing.

Stretching your body.

Listening to yourself before listening to everybody else.

And allowing yourself to enjoy what you have already created.

Perhaps some of us don't need to learn how to achieve more.

Perhaps we need to learn how to enjoy more.

Keep yourself with you.

Throughout the day.
Throughout the week.
Throughout the journey.

Give yourself some of your own time.

And enjoy the process of being happy.

If these thoughts resonate with you, I invite you to explore where you are, what you may need more or less of, and what happiness could look like in your life in a complimentary Discovery Call with me.

Photo by Claudia Boos.